A taste of another life

Human beings are complex creatures that tend to get bored easily. We are rarely content with what we have and we envy most what we ourselves lack. So it's very easy for us to get caught up in the 'Grass is Greener' mindset. Take the following, for example: a friend decided to explore other opportunities and quited the job at the company she works with. One thing that pushed her to move to another company was the salary. But once she began working in her new office, she learns that the management is not very good to work with and that makes most of the people there grouchy. She is doing fine with the money that she is making now but she is not happy with the working environment and missed her colleagues in the previous company.

Another story, a couple in their mid fifties, seemed to have everything. A huge house with amazing home decor, three kids who were all graduated from overseas and they are all married now, a car and a driver to take the wife shopping in the city, expensive haircuts, clothing, traveling and so on. Viewing them from the outside, it would be easy for outsider to be envious of their good life. What we don't see is the amount of debt that is supporting their lifestyles, and their struggle to overcome it. Now with the marriage on the rock, the wife has developed an addiction to spending, and putting a pretty heavy burden on their credit cards balance.

I try to remind myself that just because someone appears to have it all doesn’t mean they do, because not everything is what it seems. We always want what's on the other side, and when we get to the other side we always want our side. Do you think the grass is always greener on the other side?

Too much anger

Anger is often viewed as an immature response to frustration. We may express our anger in uncontrolled outbursts or emotions, and we keep piling up those bitter feelings. Perhaps you are angry at a close friend who said something hurtful. Maybe your boyfriend cheated on you. Your friend gossiped about you. Whatever it is, you feel hurt and angry, and you nurse those resentments - sometimes for months, sometimes for years. The people who most likely to hurt us are usually those closest to us — our friends, work colleagues, partners, relatives. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and grudges.

My older brother has not spoken to my youngest brother since my nephew , A, was born almost 3 years ago. I don't know exactly what happened between the two of them but until today it looks like the older bro still has a problem with forgiving. Hearing from my youngest bro who is very close to me, I believe it is merely a misunderstanding, but men have huge egos. On the other hand, my oldest sister is very forgiving and quick to get over things. I am somewhat in between. I've sometimes held a grudge for a while but it usually passes quite quickly. I know I'm capable of being unintentionally rude or insensitive myself if I'm under stress but I never stay mad for too long anyway so I tend to let most things go.

So, are you a forgiving soul or do you hold grudges against people?

Questions of the week

1. On what occasion do you lie?

2. What is it that you most dislike?

3. What is your marked characteristic?

4. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

5. What is your greatest fear?

Education not for everyone?

Two weeks ago when I was out for a walk in Bandung, I stopped to take a picture of these little children with my cellphone camera. The man in a dirty T-shirt pointing his finger at me (I was caught taking their pic and he was so angry) looks too old to be their father, isn't he? but who knows? This portrait is a common scene in big cities in Indonesia on any regular afternoon. The children can be found outside the restaurants, outside the malls, at traffic intersections, everywhere. Either begging, selling, singing, scavenging, or serving in whatever way is needed by the constant stream of those better-off passing by each day. They are completely neglected by any social system here in Indonesia.

These kids are supposed to be in school instead of wandering around the streets. But they are forced to work because their parents cannot afford, or refuse, to send them to school. Even when public primary schools exist and charge no tuition, the associated expenses can be burdensome. Free education does not mean the uniforms, books and school supplies are free too. Besides, government schools are often poorly run and maintained, lack teaching materials and (motivated) teachers. Other reason, some parents did not see any purpose for educating their children and how it would benefit or improve their life. Schooling was not considered important for earning a livelihood.

Systems of education in Indonesia also tend to increase the gap between the ‘haves and have nots’. Making children living in poor communities getting less educational opportunities. I think public school should provide basic education for all school age kids, regardless of their family background. What is needed is the commitment of the whole community to make it happen.

Perhaps our government can learn from Pak Asep Saefulloh who committed to giving children free education through his foundation. Here is the excerpt from Kompas daily yesterday:

Pendidikan Gratis Model H Asep Saefulloh
Dalam keadaan serba mahal ini, siapa sanggup menyelenggarakan pendidikan gratis? Kecuali ”cuap-cuap” angin surga dari mereka yang sedang berkampanye mengambil simpati warga, jarang ada orang yang sanggup mewujudkan pendidikan gratis seperti Haji Asep Saefulloh Sholeh.

Lewat Yayasan As-Sholehiyah, ia menampung 464 anak usia taman kanak-kanak (raudhatul atfal), sekolah dasar plus (madrasah ibtidaiyah), sekolah menengah pertama (madrasah tsanawiyah), dan sekolah menengah atas (madrasah aliyah) dari keluarga miskin.

Para siswa tak dipungut biaya seperti uang pendaftaran dan uang bangunan sebagaimana dilakukan sekolah lain pada awal tahun ajaran baru. Bahkan, setelah diterima menjadi siswa, mereka dibebaskan dari iuran bulanan. Setiap tahun ajaran baru, mereka juga menerima pembagian baju seragam dan buku pelajaran. Satu-satunya pembayaran saat siswa mengikuti ulangan umum dan ujian nasional karena soalnya harus dibeli dari kelompok kerja madrasah.

Asep menyelenggarakan pendidikan itu dengan kerja keras. Apalagi, ia tidak tergolong kaya walaupun untuk ukuran penduduk desa tempat tinggalnya. Akan tetapi, semangat dan dedikasinya dalam menyelenggarakan lembaga pendidikan itu patut dipuji.

Tempat yang dijadikan lembaga pendidikan itu dibangun di lahan seluas 2.500 meter persegi di Kampung Haur Hapit yang diwakafkan ibunya. Sesuai dengan kemampuannya, tempat yang dibangun baru sebagian kecil. Lokasinya terpencil, di daerah yang dikelilingi persawahan. Di sisi yang lain berbatasan dengan jalan desa selebar 3 meter di pinggir Sungai Citarum.

Awalnya Asep mendirikan bangunan darurat untuk tempat tinggal keluarga. Istrinya, Siti Khodijah, menggambarkan tempat itu seperti gubuk derita. ”Persis seperti bangunan para transmigran,” katanya.

Dindingnya terbuat dari anyaman bambu. Setelah diganti tembok, bangunan tempat tinggalnya dibagi dua. Sebagian dijadikan kantor sekolah dan sebagian lagi ruang tidur keluarga. Ukurannya sekitar 3,5 x 5 meter.

Walau termasuk Kabupaten Bandung yang jaraknya sekitar 20 kilometer (km) dari Kota Bandung, Kampung Haur Hapit jauh dari keramaian. Kampung ini termasuk Desa Bojongsari, Kecamatan Bojongsoang, sekitar 5 km dari simpang tiga Jalan Terusan Buahbatu–Dayeuhkolot. Satu-satunya alat transportasi warga hanya ojek motor dengan tarif Rp 7.500 sekali jalan.

”Kalau mau keluar rumah, setidaknya harus punya uang Rp 20.000,” kata Asep.

Tekadnya mendirikan lembaga pendidikan itu didorong rasa iba melihat banyak anak setempat putus sekolah. Maklum, sebagian besar orangtua mereka miskin dan mata pencahariannya tidak tetap sehingga tidak mampu membiayai pendidikan anak.

”Kebanyakan orangtua murid itu menjadi pemungut rongsokan, pencari cacing, pencari keong emas, atau pedagang keliling dengan sepeda. Buat makan mereka saja susah,” ujarnya.

Bersama beberapa rekan, ia membentuk Yayasan As-Sholehiyah. Asep menjadi ketuanya. ”Mula-mula hanya menyelenggarakan pengajian,” ujarnya. Setelah beberapa lama mulailah dibuka pendidikan formal. ”Alhamdulillah, muridnya sudah banyak,” tuturnya.

Honornya ”bancakan”

Dibantu 56 guru, setiap bulan menjelang tanggal muda, Asep berusaha keras mencari dana untuk membayar honor guru. ”Saya mendatangi teman-teman, menyampaikan dakwah dari hati ke hati,” tuturnya.

Hasil sumbangan yang terkumpul itu tidak tetap, adakalanya mencapai Rp 2 juta-Rp 3 juta, bahkan Rp 10 juta. Karena jumlah uang yang terkumpul tak tetap, Asep menyerahkan kebijaksanaan pembayaran honor kepada kepala sekolah masing- masing. Namun bila hasil sumbangan tidak mencukupi, ia meminta bantuan beras kepada ibunya.

”Honornya bancakan, yang penting mereka bisa membeli beras. Kami bisa makan sama-sama,” katanya. Dalam bahasa Sunda, bancakan artinya makan beramai-ramai.

Meski demikian, ia mematok honor minimal Rp 2.000 per jam. Tahun 2009 ia berencana menaikkan honor guru itu menjadi Rp 20.000 per jam. Hal ini bisa dilakukan sebab sekolah akan menerima bantuan operasional sekolah untuk siswa SD. Selain itu, sekitar 100 donatur mau menjadi orangtua asuh untuk setiap anak, sebesar Rp 50.000 per bulan.

”Kalau ada lagi yang mau menjadi orangtua asuh, kami senang sekali,” ujarnya.

Barang bekas

Sebagai lembaga pendidikan swasta yang diselenggarakan secara gratis, jangan membayangkan prasarana pendidikan serba memadai. Tempat duduk siswa berupa papan yang disusun sedemikian rupa sehingga dapat digunakan untuk duduk dan menulis. Ruangannya tidak bisa dianggap selesai sebab belum dilengkapi langit-langit.

Di deretan lokal paling ujung didirikan dua ruang baru dengan biaya Rp 46 juta. Dana sebesar Rp 20 juta adalah sumbangan donatur. Sisanya berupa pinjaman.

Untuk menampung kegiatan administrasi kantor, Asep merelakan ruang tamu sekaligus ruang keluarganya menjadi ruang kantor/guru. Berukuran 3 x 5 meter, ruangan itu berisi kursi tamu reyot, meja dan kursi guru, serta lemari penyimpan buku-buku. Ada pula seperangkat komputer tua.

”Kami senang kalau ada yang mau menyumbangkan komputer untuk belajar murid, bekas pun tak apa,” katanya berharap.

Menjelang tahun ajaran baru ini, Asep merasa bangga sekaligus khawatir. Ia bangga sebab lembaga pendidikan ini mendapat perhatian. Sampai awal Juni 2008, jumlah calon siswa TK ada 17 orang, SD plus 34 orang, SMP 35 orang, dan SMA 15 orang. Ini pun masih banyak yang belum mengembalikan formulir pendaftaran. ”Padahal, kami tak memasang spanduk,” katanya.

Namun, Asep juga khawatir dan bingung sebab ini berarti ia harus mengatasi kesulitan ruang belajar. Jika pelajaran diberikan secara bergilir pagi dan siang, para siswa akan keberatan karena pada siang hari harus membantu ekonomi keluarga.

Untuk mengatasinya, mantan karyawan pengadilan agama ini berencana menjadikan satu-satunya ruangan yang selama ini menjadi ruang tidur keluarga sebagai ruang belajar.

Bagaimana dengan ruang tidur keluarga? ”Bisa dibuatkan bangunan darurat, yang penting anak-anak bisa belajar,” katanya kalem.... (Her Suganda, Pengurus Forum Wartawan dan Penulis Jawa Barat)

Virus attack

I'm a Windows XP user and am not sure what happened with my computer these past few days. When I start my computer and the desk top comes up, there's a text that comes up saying "warning virus detected on your computer".... install winspyware and then all these black bugs start showing up on my screen. It always goes to the warning and then the bugs appear with remark virus is critical, highly dangerous etc. Please bear with me while I try to fix the problem. I hope I don't have a damaging bug on my puter. My Norton may need an upgrade.

Inquiring mind wants to know

I really should post more often, shouldn't I? but I have not been in a mood to write anything the past few days. I went out of town last weekend, I stayed up late to watch Euro 2008, I insisted to go for my 40 minutes walk every morning, so it took a heavy physical toll and on top of that I've had the flu-thing since Saturday. But I refused to let my blog die, so here is some questions for all of you my faithful readers.

1. Do you ever put on the television or radio just for background noise?

2. Must you always sleep on the same side of the bed?

3. Do you keep a cute picture of yourself in your wallet to show your friends?

4. Did you watch any of the Euro Cup 2008? If so, what did you enjoy most about this tournament?

5. Other than bathroom tissue, what one product would you hate to run out of?

6. Is there a favorite childhood book that you still love? If so, what is it, and
when is the last time you re-read it?

7. Do you pay your bills when they arrive or on the due date?

8. What habit do you wish you could break yourself of?

9. When is the last time you said a bad word?

10. Do you prefer the window or aisle seat when flying?

Hope you have fun with the test.

Sex, shopping and the survey

OK, stand up all of you who love surveys! The DailyMail had an article about how some women think about shopping more than they think about sex. While this survey does not reflect the consumer culture, it probably reflects the fact that shopping takes less energy and delivers bigger rewards, and if you're not happy with your purchase you can always take your purchase back for a refund/exchange (not in Indonesia, of course). Do you agree with these survey finding? Do you think about shopping more than sex? or are you a multitasking kind who like to have sex while shopping???...LOL! Have your say ...

Shopping is better than sex, say four in ten women
By NEIL SEARS
Last updated at 11:38 20 November 2007

Four in ten women would rather go shopping than have sex, researchers say.

And half of those who have been married for 20 years or more would happily get by without any at all.

The statistics may sound like an insult to their husbands. But there is some good news for men ? 72 per cent of wives still fancy their partners, giving them seven out of ten or higher on the scale of sexual attractiveness.

Nor does the figure diminish with age. More than half of those who have been married for 20 years agree.

However, the wedding night is not quite the milestone it used to be. A third did not have sex that evening, according to the research for First magazine.

Neither is marriage the institution it was. A fifth of women between 45 and 54 had been married twice, and more than two-thirds of those had separated within the first ten years of their marriage.

In total, 37 per cent of those polled said they could be happy in a sexless marriage, with the figure ris- to half for those married for more than 20 years.

Relationship psychologist Anjula Mutanda said this was a worrying indication.

"Considering that sex is a healthy part of a loving relationship and is an important way of physically and psychologically connecting with your partner, something is clearly wrong.

"Having no sex at all creates distance and resentment. A once loving and tactile relationship becomes the equivalent of living with your brother or sister."

The survey also found that 37 per cent of women had sex once or twice a week. Just more than a third said they were unhappy with the amount of sex they had.

But, contrary to fable, only half said their sex lives had diminished after having children.

Ninety-four per cent of wives described themselves as "happily married".

Suneo favorite sleeping spots

My cat, Suneo, thinks he owns the house. If he is a post paid cellphone, he has a free roaming all over the house...LOL! Suneo sleeps wherever he wants to. Sometimes he naps on top of the desk, on top the stack boxes, on top of the refrigerator, on the couch, in my chair, and on the bed...pretty much anywhere he finds himself when he's tired. He even takes my blanket! If he choses an alternate sleeping place, he is always on my bed 20 minutes before the alarm goes off to nudge me out of bed, when I am just trying to rest. If I lock my bedroom door, he would knock or scratch the door off to get me up and let him in. When I still have had a dog, I allowed Fatso to sleep in my bedroom, so I can't say NO either to Suneo. After some times of having him, I think he don't know that he is a cat. He thinks he is just as human as we are...LOL!

Wait a minute, Mr. Postman!

My niece is having a trouble on how to write a good letter telling about her daily life. She is so used to text or emailing because all her friends do the same. And she finds it easier to express her feeling with the cute emoticons (like hysterical laughter, madness, bored, etc...)...which brings me to the question, when was the last time you actually received a handwritten letter in the mail? I think the tradition of writing letters have been much replaced by the internet, IM services such as Yahoo messenger or MSN, text messaging, a lot of the time people just choose not to write by hand anymore.

When I lived in dormitory school, getting the mail was something I looked forward to. I remember I have had an Indonesian pen pal in Geneva, Switzerland who happened to be my teacher's best friend. I especially love getting postcards. It’s always a nice little surprise to get a card with a picture of snows, places you only saw in the movies or magazines, and it really cheered my day to think that my friend took the time to sit down and spent the time to write to me. I do so enjoy receiving those handwritten letters in the mailbox (and I enjoy writing them too). I usually set aside an hour over the weekend and write them all at one time. It makes me so happy to have a stack of letters/cards to drop in the mail the next day!

Now the computers has put a big end to it. In today's electronic age, you can write electronic mail whenever you want, send it now, and you will get the reply within ten minutes. Like fast food and instant coffee, electronic letters are fast and instant. I admit I am as guilty in this regard. I am more inclined to emails or text messages. Because it’s so easy, and you don’t have to deal with the hassles at the post office in order to acquire stamps, etc.

So, do you still put pen to paper and send letters?

Justice is blind?

Apologies for the lack of posting lately. Been pretty busy these past few days, and alas, it was just spent here doing my usual boring life (work, work, work). Oh well.

Anyway, I was looking for a particular story on Detiknews.com this morning and actually saw this headline. It was a crime stories, but strange, and almost comical headlines...

Rich Taiwanese Woman's Murder
"Susan Murderers were Treated Like Celebrities by the Cops"

The story started when the police found a dead body buried inside a house in the housing complex in South Jakarta last week. Her name was Susan Shieh, she ran a garment business and had two big houses in Jakarta, one of which served as her office. She was murdered in her own home following a horrific attack during which she was beaten, banged to the wall and strangled to death. She was buried in the back yard about 500 meters away (which she used as her office house) from where the killing took place (her residence). Susan was found dead with both hands tied behind her back, and her legs were bent up and tied together. It turns out that one of the killers is her own husband. He got help from his gardener who had no choice but helping the beast because the gardener owed 7 million Rupiahs and hasn't been able to pay his debt. The husband then changed the telephone numbers so her relative in Taiwan could not contact her. With her death, she left about USD 700,000 in her account along with 2 big houses and a garment factory. Mr. husband somehow was able to change the ownership of the victim's bank account and the properties under his name. Whenever Mr. Husband was asked about his wife whereabout, he always told his neighbors that she went back to Taiwan. Everything looked fine and goes as planned, until one day (16 months later) the gardener who claimed he was being haunted by the poor woman and felt guilty over committing the murder, told his friend about his crime story. The friend then reported this story to the police.

The interesting part is that first the police said that money could be a motive in Susan's killing. A few hours later they (the police) said, the reason of the killing because Mr. Husband was mistreated by his wife during their 11 years of marriage life and was never involved in money coming in and out for the business. What makes me surprise is how the police being extra friendly to this beast by serving him food and drink in the chief police office room!!!! The beast was not even hand cuffed and being interrogated like a reporter interviewing some celebrity in E channel!!! Even funnier the police still weighed up whether it is necessary to check to the bank about the changed of Susan's bank account to her beast husband's name or not. Is this some kind of bad joke? It's definitely not what I expected to read in the news! Judging from the police behavior, I am afraid there will be some deals/negotiations that will make the bastard free of murder charges. Or worse blame everything to the gardener when in fact he is the one who mastermind this killing.

As a kid, my late father taught me to never trust the police. Running a shop selling coffee beans my dad often got a visit from the unwelcome visitors (read : cops) who were always asking money for this and that and they wouldn't take NO for an answer. In exchange we got a calendar from them. I think I am not wrong to say that our Police Dept. have violated the people's trust. It has long been regarded as one of the most corrupt and incompetent institutions in the country. They are powerless when they are badly needed like in the recent Monas rally attack. OK, they are not all bad ... but their image is already tarnished. What do you think???

In the dark

I was sitting in front of my computer last night thinking what topic I would post on my blog...when suddenly the power went out. Puff! Just like that. Looking out of the window, I can see the streetlights off, it was dark outside. I really don't know what's wrong with the power lines these days but I have had 3 power outages this week, and they usually last from 3 to 4 hours. I called PLN (State Electricity Company) customer service and all they say is they are working on fixing the problem. Luckily I have a good supply of candles, batteries for the flash light and an emergency lamp. Because you never know when there is going to be a power cut.

Power outages are common in Indonesia, particularly when it rains hard and there are broken cables or debris falling onto the power lines. Another reason is because people regularly steal electricity from the grid. But most of the time the reason are not obvious and are almost always un-announced. Without electricity, life gets put on hold. You do what you can do in daylight but after the sun goes down, your options go with it. Here in Jakarta it can be pretty hot and humid even in the evening inside the house. It was too hot to sleep and it is impossible to open the window without inviting mosquitoes in. I tried to read using the candle light but it was hard on my eyes. I was so bored that I started to pour the wax from one candle to another. Finally after three hours, the power came back on.

I think everyone of us has the same experience of spending a day or a night without electricity. But it is even harder to bear without electricity in the night. Seriously, I don’t think we can live without electricity as they are an important element on our daily life. Or have we become spoiled by our dependence on it?!?

Gift of love ?

Last week, while I was in the middle of typing some invoices I received a text message on my cellphone. I took a glance at the screen and saw my friend's name, but to my surprise the message didn't come from her. It was from her elder brother that said he wanted to borrow one million Rupiahs (about USD 110) and that he would pay me back on June 10. He also mentioned that if possible he wanted the money to be transferred to his bank account that very same day. Since I have Lippo account and his is Mandiri, that means I have to spend time going to the bank and transferred the money to him. He didn't elaborate what the money for or whether he has talked to my friend about this issue beforehand. In that moment all the scenarios of what might happen to my friend in Bandung blazing through my mind. But just a day before she was OK and texted me that she has just received the recipe book that I sent her. I know all of her family including the brother who sent me the text message, but not as close as my friendship with her. I am a generous person and sometimes like to buy friends lunch and don't want anything in return--but that's about it.

Within my family, I never loan, I give. For me it makes me feel good to help out the people I love if they need it, even though I often grumbled and mad when the sum asked is a bit more than I could handle ... but there's nothing in the world I'd like less than to be thought that I am mean to my own family! With friends or other people, if they have a good reason for needing some help, I just give it to them if I can spare it and they’re worthy. So I just don't get it what drives my friend's brother for being so bold asking me that favor thru SMS and using his sister cellphone some more! My friend once told me her brother often experiencing financial problems, and no matter how much money she gave him will just serve as a Band-Aid, and sooner or later he will find himself in dire straits again. If it was for her, she knows where to find me and I might help.

We all know that money can put a relationship on a completely different level between friends and family. It becomes a matter of trust on the one side and obligation on the other. There's a saying it is better not to lend and have a friend, than to lend and lose both. So I decided to wait until a few hours and wanted to know if there will be another SMS or phone call to my cell. NOTHING...quiet! The next morning I texted my friend and told her about the SMS from her brother to me. She was so surprised and profusely apologized for she didn't know anything about that at all. She asked me to ignore the message and said sorry again. And I'd never heard from her again since ...

Just a thought, would you lend a friend money if they asked you to?!? Did I do the right thing by not helping my friend's brother?

Pink beauties

I made another trip to Kuntum Nursery in Bogor yesterday with my niece, nephew, and their parents. My brother, as usual, immediately headed to the fish pond and spent his time fishing thru the day. The great thing about going to Kuntum Nursery is they do not charge you an entry fee. But you get to pay for renting the fishing rod and pay for your catch should you desire to bring the fishes home. The girls, as usual, were busy checking the variety of food at the food stalls there, while my niece Van was playing with nephew Alex. Overall, it was a great place to spend your Sunday afternoon to chat over some foods and watch the world go by. After spending time with the little critters, I walked thru the place and found these pretty pink trumpet like flowers on the ground. The almost dry flowers falling from its tree looked pretty in my eyes. I am not sure what's the name of this flowers, but I sure do love it! They are simple and elegant, yet exotic without being weird.