November 22, 2007
A tribute to my mother
Sorry I haven't written for a while. It has been a difficult month for me. My mother passed away last Sunday (November 11, 2007) at Bogor Medical Centre around 6:20am. She had battled for the last 15 years of her life against the diabetes, and ultimately succumbed to having hypoglycemia. It was a shock to all of us, as she looked fine the last time I met her. She just had her 75th birthday on September 16, a couple of weeks ago.
My youngest sis told me, the last day mom alive she had been normal, she complained of some discomfort she had had but not particularly sick. My eldest sis advised mom to go to the hospital but mom said she was fine. She even still scolded my sis over something (like she usually did), she was alert and she knew everything that was going on. Early in the morning on Sunday my youngest sister who was taking care of my mother sensed something went wrong when she saw mom sweat and looked very weak. Mom was then rushed to the hospital which is only 15 minutes drive from my sister's house . I remember it was just after 6:00 am when my sis called. She and my brother in law were at the hospital. They had taken my mom to the Emergency Room because she was semi conscious. My sis asked my youngest brother and I to get there as soon as we could!!! I found myself getting very emotional, and immediately packing my clothes while I waited for my brother to pick me up. Then another phone call came in at 6:20am and my sister told me mom just passed away.
I felt so guilty for not being there when mom was dying. Mom, I am sorry that, there were times we both struggled with ourselves and with each other, standing close enough to hurt, but not to embrace each other. I regret the harsh silences and walls I erected between us. I regret the time gone and the opportunities wasted. I've heard people talk about "good deaths", the kind when your family is all around you and everyone says what they need to say. I don't know much about death, but the memories of you are embedded in every cell of my brain and my body, and nothing can change that. I have never been really good at expressing to you that I genuinely appreciate everything you did for me. Thank you mom for everything. You're the best! I love you and will miss you always. My wish for you now is that you are at peace and have no regrets about your short time here on earth.
notes : mom was buried next to my late dad's grave in Bandar Lampung, just as her wishes. She left 8 children and 3 grand children.